Tag Archive | reflection

Some Thoughts About Mothers

mom and pups (1)Have you ever noticed that babies of any species are always cute? Off hand, I can’t think of one baby that is really too ugly to love. I think Nature planned it that way, so mothers would accept their children and not be inclined to kill their young.

Once you’re a mother, it’s a life sentence. The only way to stop being a human mother is to die. We don’t lay eggs and let them hatch alone. We don’t push them out of the nest. We don’t have some breeder give away our young. Even when your children are collecting Social Security, you’re still a mother. Other professions retire, but mothers don’t.

Motherhood is a curious role. You’re expected to be perfect and make all the right decisions, but there is no training for the position. It’s a role that is learned by example.  If you had a loving mother, you’ll be all right. But if not, well, you’re on your own, and most likely your children will fault you for the same shortcomings your own mother had.

I think mothers in general want to love their children. But what if you get a kid who’s turned into a person you don’t like? What if they make decisions that are hard to accept? Then what? Are we supposed to standby and not have an opinion. Aren’t we allowed feelings? Usually not.

Isn’t it always the fault of the mother that problems arise in adult life? Many psychologists believe that. Maybe they are right, but why does all the responsibility and blame  fall on the mother? Where’s the father in all of this? And don’t children have any skin in this game?

I find myself think about these things because today is Mother’s Day—a made up holiday where people try to make their mother feel valued with a card and a plant from the local nursery. And this is the first mother’s day my own mother isn’t here to enjoy the sunny day.

We were never close, but I find myself thinking about her. In her way, she was a good mother. She sacrificed for her children. She kissed our boo-boos and read stories before bedtime. She cooked good meals and kept our house cleaner than it needed to be. She was a stay-at-home mom who did the hard job of saying “no.”

As I reflect today, I just wish she could have found more happiness in what she had. I wish she could have learned to play a little more–even be silly once in a while. But I think she thought she wasn’t allowed because she had to be a good mother and set an example. I am thankful, though, she found us cute enough to keep us around to adulthood.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. I hope you found the happiness you were looking for in heaven.

Mom

Reflection of Truth in a “Dull” Life

It’s interesting to me as we move through time, most of us think we live insignificant lives. We compare ourselves with others who have achieved great fame or wealth or both, and we go to work everyday, make meals, do the laundry and other household chores, raise our children and then one day we die. We ask ourselves, “What was it all for?”

How untrue this is! Living an ordinary life is an extraordinary experience. Haven’t you ever noticed it’s the little things people remember? Like the time your father presented you with a corsage and danced with you to a father/daughter dance when you were six. Or when your favorite aunt bought you panty hose when your mother refused to let you wear nylon stockings. Or when your mother sat beside your bed and played word games with you when you were sick. None of these activities are going to be written down in the archives of some museum. No. They are written down in a place far more sacred than that–your heart.

Sometimes just a kind word to someone can make their day. Opening the door with a smile for a mother struggling with toddlers or an older person walking with a cane cane be one of the best things that happened to them all day. Giving someone a compliment when they least expect it can raise spirits. Telling someone you believe in them, might be a turning point in their life. Unknowingly, we might have made a big difference for that day or maybe even a life time.

When you care for someone or love them beyond all understanding, they will remember the small things. The quiet, tender moments. The times you spent together. The ideas you shared. They won’t remember how much money you spent on them for Christmas or their birthdays, but they will never forget when you surprised them with a song or a poem.

So the next time you think you’re dull, unworthy, or boring, know that you are not. The small things we do out of kindness, caring, and love will trump the most expensive gift. We are all connected. Kindness begets kindness. And if more people believed that one fact, we’d live in a less violent world.

As authors, we try to capture these details, because when we do, the ordinary connects our readers to the characters, and thus to us. Draw upon your daily life for inspiration or motivation for character development. A reader will be drawn to a character who is more troubled over her grandma’s broken china pitcher that was cracked during a bombing raid because realizing the house across the street that was obliterated is just too big to comprehend.

Use your smallest experiences to breathe life into characters. It’s one perk of  living a “dull” life.