Tag Archive | positive energy

A Fast Week

time flying byI can’t believe it Saturday already. This week went SOOO fast. I find this curious because I’m a person who has no schedule, except for my writing hours in the morning.

I’ve always found Time to be an interesting concept. I wonder if the neanderthals or the early homo sapiens ever felt the same way about time as we do. Probably not. Instead of chasing deadlines, they were consciously just trying to stay alive and not be eaten by some saber-tooth tiger or something.

I understand there are scientific reasons why time behaves the way it does, and it’s an interesting topic for novels–specially science fiction stuff, but I see time as some finite quality that I have to make the best of my life.

Maybe time went fast this week because I found the energy to do things I’ve been putting off for quite awhile. I can’t tell you what precipitated the change from a slothful lump to a ball of fire, but I did things like get the tax papers together, call numerous agencies for one reason or another, make appointments with doctors and arrange payments with creditors. But to balance these taxing realities,  I took time to create a painting. Write my blog everyday. Add a few chapters for the next novel. Make a few necklaces and earring sets. And I went to see a caregiver counselor.

The latter was the hardest of all my tasks because I had to face the fact I can’t do everything. I had to admit, I need help. This was haaaaaaard.  You see, I like to think of myself as a strong, self-sufficient, independent person, and when I can’t “deal,” I feel weak and pathetic.

I know. I know. I’m terribly hard on myself. But when a person grows up a leader and a person who is perceived “STRONG” by others, showing  human weakness is humiliating.

Ken has struggled terribly for two weeks, MS is a frightening disease because the patient, as well as his or her loved ones, don’t ever know what the day will bring. The worst part is, you don’t know how much time you have left together. (Remember that FINITE element.)  So, maybe the week went fast, because Ken’s frailty scared me into action.

By admitting I can’t do it “ALL,” I realize there are helpful resources out there who are ready to help me stay sane. I can call them any time when I need to say that four-letter word HELP.

In the meantime, I’ll meet with a friend for an hour or two to connect with the outside world, and have a laugh over a cup of coffee. That’s the best way to spend TIME I’ve ever found.

The Necessity of a Calendar

day plannerIt’s Saturday–at least that’s what they tell me. You see, when you spend all of your time at home, one day is so much like the one before and the one after. I’m never really sure what day it is. Do you think a calendar would help?

Ken and I had planned a road trip to Chicago today for our LAST Christmas celebration with his family. But, Mother Nature sprinkled some snow over our area this morning, which has made venturing outside too difficult for him. Perhaps if Ken could sit in his motorized wheelchair and drive down our new ramp to a van with a wheelchair lift, we’d stand a chance–but that vehicle is on the WISH list.

So, we’re staying at home–again.

I’m not complaining. I’m just a little disappointed. Ken’s family is so fun to be around. I hate to miss this gathering. There’s always lots of laughs, hugs and positive energy floating around, I feel energized after being with them. We love playing together, be it a board game, a card game or something like Pictionary. If our house was bigger, I would just have them all come here. The only problem is our little 1100 square foot house would have people sitting on each other’s laps.  Heck, the whole clan fills up the backyard in the summertime! And besides that, they all live about 100 miles away from us, so asking all of them to traipse up here is a little presumptuous.

It’s a bummer.

It must be the aftermath of the holidays that has me writing about these frustrations. Ordinarily, I just keep the disappointments and heartaches at bay, but I’ve grown weary of so many of them, and they are crying out to cry out. So, I’m sorry I’m succumbing to them by writing about them here. I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t come back.

I know so many of you look to different bloggers to gain special insights to improve your writing. I know do. I also know there are teachers out there who look to me to come up with creative ideas to create creative minds. I know I do. But today, inspiration has left me, and if you’re still reading this, bless you.

I think I’ll go take a shower and wash away this stinking disappointment and try to find something to keep me busy today. Perhaps I’ll come up with a name for my main character in my Revolutionary War novel I have brewing in my head. Or I’ll just veg and play that addicting Facebook Candy Crush Saga game, but I promise, no more whining tomorrow. That’s my New’s Years Resolution. Your my witness.

Oh, that’s right! Tomorrow is Sunday. Short story day! Now there’s something I have to do–get my story in shape for tomorrow.

I really MUST get a calendar!