Tag Archive | mental-health

A Fast Week

time flying byI can’t believe it Saturday already. This week went SOOO fast. I find this curious because I’m a person who has no schedule, except for my writing hours in the morning.

I’ve always found Time to be an interesting concept. I wonder if the neanderthals or the early homo sapiens ever felt the same way about time as we do. Probably not. Instead of chasing deadlines, they were consciously just trying to stay alive and not be eaten by some saber-tooth tiger or something.

I understand there are scientific reasons why time behaves the way it does, and it’s an interesting topic for novels–specially science fiction stuff, but I see time as some finite quality that I have to make the best of my life.

Maybe time went fast this week because I found the energy to do things I’ve been putting off for quite awhile. I can’t tell you what precipitated the change from a slothful lump to a ball of fire, but I did things like get the tax papers together, call numerous agencies for one reason or another, make appointments with doctors and arrange payments with creditors. But to balance these taxing realities,  I took time to create a painting. Write my blog everyday. Add a few chapters for the next novel. Make a few necklaces and earring sets. And I went to see a caregiver counselor.

The latter was the hardest of all my tasks because I had to face the fact I can’t do everything. I had to admit, I need help. This was haaaaaaard.  You see, I like to think of myself as a strong, self-sufficient, independent person, and when I can’t “deal,” I feel weak and pathetic.

I know. I know. I’m terribly hard on myself. But when a person grows up a leader and a person who is perceived “STRONG” by others, showing  human weakness is humiliating.

Ken has struggled terribly for two weeks, MS is a frightening disease because the patient, as well as his or her loved ones, don’t ever know what the day will bring. The worst part is, you don’t know how much time you have left together. (Remember that FINITE element.)  So, maybe the week went fast, because Ken’s frailty scared me into action.

By admitting I can’t do it “ALL,” I realize there are helpful resources out there who are ready to help me stay sane. I can call them any time when I need to say that four-letter word HELP.

In the meantime, I’ll meet with a friend for an hour or two to connect with the outside world, and have a laugh over a cup of coffee. That’s the best way to spend TIME I’ve ever found.

Just One More Game, Please

Candy CrushI got up this morning an hour early. I really didn’t want to crawl out of bed at 5:00 a.m., but my eyes didn’t want to stay closed any longer. So, the minute my feet touched the floor, my “boys” started giving me orders. You see, it’s the four-legged “people” around this house who are really in charge.

First things, first. Ernie goes out into the cold to relieve the pressures of sleeping soundly for the night. Then Vinnie demands his tuna with successive “Meows!” (Like I could forget him–really, cat!) Ernie’s scratching at the door to come in for his “bacon” treat, and things finally settle down to my turn. Now it’s my turn to use the bathroom, make the coffee and take the necessary morning “meds.”

Now it’s finally time to turn on the computer.

I fully intended to use the extra quiet time to write. But, I didn’t. I got involved in answering email and then, God forgive me, I started playing my favorite Facebook game, Candy Crush Saga. I’m at level 109, now and needless to say, the puzzles are tough! But like a drug-crazed crackhead, I go back for more of this very creative time waster.

I can’t understand it. Am I addicted? I’ll even pay a dollar to get the extra moves I need to get through the puzzle after being stuck for a couple of days. Oh, dear god, I really am hooked! What’s a person to do? Do they have Facebook Games Anonymous? And if they do, am I ready to join? Is an intervention right around the corner?

But seriously, I don’t have a problem. I can handle this! Sure, I have writing to do, but honestly, get off my case! It’s only a game!

Does anybody else suffer from such weakness? Please, tell me you do. I always find comfort in knowing I’m not the only one with human frailty. AND, If this continues, I promise I’ll admit I have a problem and eliminate the App from my computer.

But not until I conquer Level 110.